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Went to see Beast Women last night. INCREDIBLE. I'm so psyched to perform with them--I just... really hope I measure up.
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now I'm just another pining fangirl.

;_; I'm a statistic.
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User: Good morning!

Cleverbot: Good morning.

User: It's really hot here.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

User: Chicago.

Cleverbot: Is Chicago snowy during the winter?

User: Is it ever!

Cleverbot: Okay...and what does thinking of pickles do to you exactly?

User: Pickles?

Cleverbot: Yes pickles.

User: When did we start talking about pickles?

Cleverbot: We weren't talking about pigs, but there is a box next to me that says oink so I decided to say it! Lol.

User: Are you sure you're clever?

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: Just checking. :)


Honestly, I found conversing with SmarterChild to be more stimulating. :P At least he never lawled.
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(10:51:20 PM) Jasmin: poetry is a harsh mistress
(10:51:28 PM) Cami: Is it
(10:51:32 PM) Jasmin: when she wants me, she wants me now.
(10:51:35 PM) Jasmin: if I am driving at the time
(10:51:45 PM) Jasmin: then later she sulks and refuses to tell me what she wanted
(10:52:02 PM) Jasmin: BLANK PAGE BLUE BALLS
(10:52:26 PM) Jasmin: that's going on livejournal because of how true it is.
(10:52:27 PM) Cami: HAhaha
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no, I died.

actually, yes. When I was in high school, I got up early one morning to finish writing a history paper. My sister came down and started blasting music in the attached room. I was stressed out, and asked her to turn it off, because I needed to write. She refused. I told her to turn it off. She refused again. I walked into the room and turned off the music myself. She turned it on, and turned up the volume. I slapped her. Not full force, mind you, I pulled it, but I slapped her. She attempted to hit me back, which failed, and stormed off and slammed something. I was shocked at myself, and remembered the words someone once told me: "When you hit someone, you've lost the argument."

I ended up calling my mom in tears and telling her what happened, and asking her to call me in sick. I stayed home in bed and was sick with myself.

I don't think we ever talked about it again.
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What happened to all the 70-80 degree days?
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Since there are other people who live in my home, I'm going for them. And Minnie.

Unless Minnie was the arsonist.

I would save her anyway.
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In my non-drug induced (that is to say, I hadn't taken my drugs yet) haze while I drove over to Mike's this evening, I had a kind of hurtful thought.

He's so busy all the time, studying for boards, studying in general. If I was really a big love, wouldn't he still want to see me? Is there another woman out there in the world that would make him want to spend time with her? Does that mean it's not me?

I guess it's part of the quest to find out whose locks you open naturally... And when I come up against doors that won't budge, I think 'oh God, what if I'm not the one to be opening this? Will this ever change?'

I kind of do these things a lot. If I meet someone who I'm kind of crushing on, and it's not an epic meeting or anything, then I worry that we're not meant to be because we don't have a story of 'how we met'. I want some magic in my love--you know?

I miss how Mike and I were at the beginning. Of course, then he didn't have school. He had time to tape roses to my window.

I just hope the days of me being courted aren't over.
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Being laid-up in bed is really aggravating. Sure, I get to finish up the third season of Mad Men, or read a book, but that's pretty much all I can do. According to them internets, it's a good idea for me to avoid even sitting up for more than 20 minutes at a time, so there goes any computer gaming I might have hoped to do.

You know, if Aion would patch already.

Icy Hot patches are kind of awesome, and I think I'll take a nice warm bubble bath later, but seriously. It's really hard to move when your saccral/coccygeal area is all "fuck you!". It's not even muscles, it's ligaments, so I can't just sort of move around and stretch them out while I'm resting.

Maybe I'll write.

So who wants to come over and watch movies? :D
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Finally got the internet working on the computer I built back in January. It finally stopped telling me that I'd been a victim of software counterfeiting and my copy of Windows 7 was fake. Every time I get a new computer, I think "this time I'm not going to cram it full of crap!" Hopefully it'll stick this time.

I actually really like 7. The interface is gorgeous, it's smart about updates and letting me know what I need to do to keep everything running smoothly--Google Chrome is an excellent browser (they're not kidding, it's fuckin' speedy)! So all is calm on the western front.

Except my usb wireless thing is a little shit. :P So I really have to go replace it.

All this graphical internet powah is making me want to play an MMO again... but not WoW. I really don't want to endgame grind for $13/mo. Pixie's going to send me an Aion trial, so we'll see how that goes. :)
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I love how I get really excited about small projects (like the IPS), and then cannot remember how to get into any of the e-mails that I made for it.

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It always comes as a surprise to me exactly how poorly I respond to too much going on around me. Too many things that I need to have an input on, or that I need to respond to. I'm pretty sure it wasn't always like this.

Now it just makes me need to do something bad or drastic to myself so that I could end up in the hospital and maybe being left alone except for doctors who mostly care whether or not I get better, not about the costuming I have left to do, or how I'm going to budget the fabric I have left or how I'm going to make all the trains I need to this next week.

I feel like I'm much more fragile than I used to be. Something about re-breaking fault lines or something maybe?

I don't know.

I think I need to go back to therapy.


9 May 2010 02:35
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bound flat with an ace bandage for 14 hours.

almost died.
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So I believe that posting is a good idea. All spelling mistakes are organic and should be treated as such. If I don't delete and correct them. Which I will. If I left them in, this might be nigh unreadable.

I have little to say, save that my contract project is doing well--even though it didn't come with an actual contract--and I may have a job starting the 23rd.

Also, I long for a smoke. So bad. I want one right now.

Mostly when I'm drunk. I smoke about two times a month, and I totally didn't smoke last month, so theoretically life owes me four, but I will only do two because I am a good girl. Not through any fault of mine, but through inopportunity to be bad.

Damn it want cigarette. So bad for me. So delicious. I'm afraid if I have a pack I will smoke it. Wah. Also since tipsy I acknowledge that it is probs a bad idea. Or a great idea. I have yet to find out. I probably won't find out.

Blah. I'm going to stop writing because it will only be about cigarettes and who wants to hear that shit.
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I don't think that makes a lick of sense. Minnie would be furious to hear that she's being downgraded from owner to guardian... and with all the scratch marks she makes on my shoulders, she'd be a shitty guardian anyway.
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I often see people doing things that are beautiful. Physical things affect me more than mental ones--although when I hear a really good poem sometimes I think 'if I spent less time staring at nothing and more time writing poems, I could probably write a really good poem.'

Mostly, it's when I see someone doing a beautiful dance, or the performers in Hephaestus. I think about how much I'd love to be that skilled; how much I'd love to have that kind of grace, of control over my body as they do. Then I think about how much of my life I spend sitting down, lying down, not doing anything to improve myself, and I become ashamed.

The worst part is that even seeing what I want and knowing how I could attain at least part of it, I do nothing.

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There is a heart-shaped bubble in my teabag. It's a tea that I drink every morning now to calm my throat down because due to the massive amount of pollen in the air right now (more than ever this season) I seem to have developed allergies. They suck. I have a hard time singing because my throat is coated in gross. I started snoring because of them too, which means it's hard for me to sleep over at Mike's--he doesn't get enough sleep anyway, and my snoring wakes him up.

It's sort of hard for me to see him less often than I do right now, but since he's been sick it's happened. Sometimes I forget I have a boyfriend. ><;

In other news, I really need to buy those tickets to go to Galesburg and then to NYC or they'll get even more expensive, which would be upsetting.
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People who mispronounce names of characters or places in games where the voice actors say the name of the person or place in the game. >:/

Also if you do it on purpose, I double hate you.

I'm looking at YOU Nate.
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Unemployed starting in May. Awesome.


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January 2011

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