cellosong: (Default)
Yes it goes on and on, my friend! )

Now to beat feet to the dentist!
cellosong: (Default)
I am nigh constantly taking this survey, just to keep tabs on myself and how the answers change every time.

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That old survey thing...! )
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Last night, after coming out of Pirates, I was perversely attracted to the notion of rollerblading to Nate's house to meet up with everyone. I was sitting to put on my rollerblades and waving goodbye to everyone when I was met with a sudden barrage of 'you're coming with us in the car, because it's dangerous out after dark for rollerblading.' I am flummoxxed. I've been rollerblading for years, and I've been rollerblading out after dark for years. I've been WALKING in the dark for a long time. I'm not used to people telling me I can't do things I've done before because it's suddenly dangerous. Apparently there is now a high crime rate in my town? I nearly became irrationally angry, thinking 'I can't wait until I get pregnant so that I can be rolled up into bubble wrap and put away in a windowed box for nine months.'

Pregnancy is not high on my list of things to do at this very moment, but I was grasping for some condition that would make my safety higher-priority than it is now.

So the question is, as long as I am my own autonomous being, are my risks to my person mine to take? I'm not one to let myself be stopped by ephemeral 'ifs', shadowed demons that may or may not rear their head. Is it worth it? Yes. To refuse to let the condition of the world take away rights and beauties from me that have always been mine. Does that make me rash?

And those people who would stop me because of those 'ifs.' Should I trust them because their sense of judgement is apparently greater than my own, or stick to my guns, even if it turns out I'm doing something foolish? When I burnt my hand and after, I never wished that otherwise had happened. I'm glad, in fact, that it happened when it did, and the fire was so easily put out. Now I know to be much more careful, and I know what to do in that sort of crisis situation should it arise again in a more threatening manner. I "knew" before, but now I -know-. So yes, I "know" that apparently there is the possibility of danger for me to be rollerblading after dark in my new and apparently dangerous suburban town... but I don't -know-. Hypothetical advice I can take hypothetically, but it's real advice that I listen to. I'm fairly sure that no-one last night has been accosted recently. If there was a carjacking, how are we safer by being in a car? Realistically speaking, I'm more manoeverable on rollerblades than five people in a car are.

I'm not sure why people being concerned for me aggravates me. It could be because I truly don't believe that there's a great and criminal entity out there waiting for some girl on rollerblades moving at like twenty miles per hour down the middle of the street. It could be because Renny's been very self-righteous about the personal safety of others recently. I don't know. All I know is I love to rollerblade around, no matter the time of day, and I'm very good at it. If I'm out rollerblading and I get beaten, or mugged, or raped, or harassed, or rollerblade-jacked... well, then I -know- there's a problem. I'm also authorized to tell other people about it. Just like I can tell people now that they're being dumb with fire.

I think it's mostly the loss of personal freedom that irks me.

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cellosong

January 2011

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