ramble

The daylight moves slowly
across the sky it makes its way
but I am unaware
shut inside relentless
imagined pokers at my back
to goad if I fall stray--
they take my peace away

My dreams are so large
I cannot see the farthest corners
to the misty trees and mountains
where the Giants go
I see only a broad'ning future
with no path to lead the way
in the jungle there are mines to greet me if I go astray

Every step I fear to take
every moment I don't make
the best of laughs behind my back
the heart itself prey to attack
I jump at shadows in the door
As if awaiting lost Lenore
deep beneath my head
my cheeks my eyes
something lurks--and I despise
the tears that fall without a name
attached to give them worth
the tears I cried then at my birth
to see the world expanded thus
to cold hard winds and loving dust
too large for dreams too small for wings
just right for half a million things
some day between I'd have to choose
if someone'd told me I'd have used
those tears and given them a name
I would have cried myself insane
but that is why they do not tell
so you will think that all is well
and life comes out as a surprise
a whirl of love friendship and lies
and hard decisions
impotent; lost
I'm told I'm strong
but at what cost
and all throughout this lonely cry
you say I'm beautiful
and goodbye.

And I no longer move my feet
for fear if I step side
I will bleed out my existence
whisp'ring bleakly that 'I tried'

A coward's death
I must confess
but it would bring me needful rest
from love and faith--that lofty two
which persist in bringing you
up to the highest of the high
prepare you well to fall and die
and yet I reach to them again
and beg.

My dreams are large
They crush me under without care
Until one day in dreaming big
I'll be no-longer there.